all lines are currently busy :: please hold for the next available dispatcher...

Part I:

Friday, February 8th
6:40am: i woke up to type up a 1-pg response that i couldn't do earlier cuz of this anxiety on the fact that i haven't typed up anything for school in a yr~?!
8:00am: my dad tells me that they're driving up with my stuff for the new apartment that night
3:30/4pm: signed the lease, got the keys =)
9pm: left for the city with marina who was blasting M.I.A. in the car---both of us just happy to be out!! picked up a couple folks, Jia Jia? & Robert...
Saturday, February 9th
12am?: off to some random party in SOMA...
2am: on my way home from the city, i get a call from my parents:
We're stuck in the mountains! The rental van got a flat tire...we don't know where we are...we're past Santa Clarita maybe 20-25 miles, we already past Magic Mountain...i dont know where we are chandra...i dont know...can u look up 24-hr roadside assistance...Chandra, our phone's dying...just look it up...no, i dont know where we are...your mother said something about Snowy bear or Smoky bear...or i dont know...we already past magic mountain!

FUCK, omg---they're in the dark...they dont know where they are?! how am i supposed to help? how is anyone going to find them?--
Marina's knocked out in the car so i use her phone while Robert Rhee used my search on iPhone & used his phone to call ppl to search on their computer...that didn't really help...so I called Kyle to look up State Farm 24-hr #...
we get to RoRhee's place & the adrenaline was just running...we fucking tried State Farm but the lady--although nice--had no clue about California, no clue how to spell, etc. & no clue, no sympathy for the fact that my parents were in the dark, stranded, with no signs around them & almost no form of communication...they have a flat tire, the car battery eventually died because of the headlights & the hazards on...[OMG I HATE THAT RENTAL COMPANY.]
customers service reps are so indifferent sometimes, i understand how much energy it takes to be one, believe me---but still the minimal recognition of my parents' scary situation & my obvious fear in the cracked tone of my voice.

i LOVE robert rhee...this blog is partially dedicated to him.
i love him like i love chickflicks (whatever that means)
he freaking had so many ideas while i sat there like a doe-eyed freak. searching for any sort of 24-hr help...towing service, the rental place's assistance, etc. trying to determine where my parents might have been & getting all the info we can from my parents...All they could do ultimately was call 911.

omg this just caused me to flashback on different episodes in my life...Nov. 4th: when i was on the side of the 101 freeway crying b/c it was the first time i ever had a car issue in my life & it was just off the hills of the Getty Center in the dark & my car wouldn't accelerate...then Nov. 21st when i totalled my car & just was frantic about the most absurb things...i was in shock...what was happening to my parents (my own immediate family)--it was not cool.
i just got upset--robert told me not to talk about that stuff rite now, it wasn't important at the moment to talk about how my dad was retarded to get a rental van from a STUPID UNKNOWN PLACE & to be rushing with everything--but robert doesn't know where the anger truly is coming from...it's internalized...i reminded myself of my mother, she and i both get mad when we're concerned...but other than that, i just would cry...
i was silent & tears just ran down my face...i sat in the chair staring off into space, waiting for a CHP dispatcher to help me...
every 30 seconds for about 30 minutes:
all lines are currently busy...please hold for the next available operator...
...where are my parents? are they ok? what are they thinking?
all lines are currently busy...please hold for the next available operator...
...i hope the police can find them, i pray to God that things will be ok & their phones don't die!
all lines are currently busy...please hold for the next available operator...
goddammit, can somebody please answer me?! but if they do...can i even speak?!
...
OMG an answer...dammit, transferred to ANOTHER person AGAIN..."whats up" - dispatcher...then NOTHING.
i FUCKING TRIED TO INCREASE THE VOLUME & IN THE PROCESS HUNG UP THE CALL?!

5:03am: THREE HOURS had elapsed...and FINALLY the police found them!
It might have been the second unit of CHP that Robert & I had sent out to the Gorman area...
and i had to call my mom to find that out!...i don't think she knew how much we worked on this but who cares, thanks for telling me that they found u!! OY--

::sigh::
i could finally close my eyes.

i dont know.

i cant go back...
i cant stop...
i cant care about...

im lost. i put myself in that position.